Everyone just cool your jets.

Hello, everyone, I'm a quitter.  I've never lasted more than 3 weeks during Lent; I just gave 2 weeks notice at Jimmy John's then quit after a week anyway; and I gave in after 4 days of a separation that was supposed to last a week.  Not to mention my abandoned tap shoes, riding crop, and xylophone. Throughout my life I've been made to feel bad about similar failures.  Not necessarily directly, but comments like "Oh well I just don't like giving up on things I start" or "Oh well I guess only you can make that decision".  Fuck you.  Yes I can make that decision, and I am completely okay with all of the above shortcomings.  Why would I stick continue something that I don't enjoy and is completely unfulfilling?  I mean I'm sorry, but apparently I missed the memo on How to Extract Life Lessons from Situations that Make Your Life Suck. 

I'm not entirely selfish, nor lazy.  In fact I firmly believe that doing one thing each day that you don't want to do builds character.  I really hate riding my bike to the bank sometimes.  I really hate making business calls.  I really hate going to the gym.  But those things are temporary, and I get through them.  Life itself shouldn't be that thing that you're constantly not wanting to do.  Or other particularly prevalent aspects of life itself, like your job and friends.

I really don't care if other people are uncomfortable "quitting" - stick with it if that's what you want.  Just don't try to convince me that your labors are noble.  As long as I don't let others down, I'm perfectly happy exercising my strengths and weaknesses.

Musings.

About half an hour ago I finished the last assignment of my undergraduate career.  Butterflies immediately swarmed my stomach.  It feels like there's this giant void in my life, but I'm not sure whether to attribute that to the lack of school or another formerly salient part of my life which is now lacking, and because of having no schoolwork I'm forced to think about.  It's odd, I've been waiting to finish this paper so that I can start doing a million other things, but now that I can, I don't want to.  I have no motivation.  Maybe that's just because I need to relax and do nothing for a while.  But, as I learned from The Outsiders, "when you haven't got anything to do, you remember things in spite of yourself".   This paragraph does not convey entirely what I mean it to.

Keep an eye out for my Etsy page.

As I sit here avoiding the first of the final three papers, this thought from Sondheim's Into the Woods nags at me:  How can you know what you want til you get what you want and you see if you like it?

Unfortunately, capitalist, workaholic America is not accommodating to such questions.  I'm considering crocheting and selling tiny amigurumi dolls for the rest of my life.

EDIT: 7 days

9 Jimmy John's shifts
2 desk shifts
3 papers due
1 Marriage & Family period
1 Neuroscience period
1 Ballet period

and I'm done.

This is all I think about.

16 days

12 Jimmy John's shifts
5 Religious Thought periods
5 Neuroscience periods
5 desk shifts
4 Ballet periods
4 Marriage and Family periods
4 papers due
2 labs
1 presentation

and I'm done.

Just me and Griswald today.

Today is Easter.  It doesn't feel like Easter because I slept through church and neither egg-decorating nor hunting nor bags of jelly beans nor chocolate bunnies are on the agenda.  It's also a very quiet and lonesome day, when I feel like I should be at a park with small children running around or eating small sandwiches at a relative's house.  Rather, I will be writing a paper supporting Freud's opinion that humans should give up religion because it's a childish coping mechanism that does more harm than good.  Ironic.  I feel obligated to say that I don't actually believe that. 

I did, however, have a lovely brunch with Thomas, Linda, and Garrett this morning, which allowed me to try out a recipe for sweet potato hash browns.  I'm always very pleased when I get to cross a recipe off the "To Make Someday" list.  Today is also nice because the apartment is very clean, and I get to spend the day taking it in before it's destroyed by the weekly chaos which will no doubt be amplified by impending finals.

Speaking of which, Freud calls...

Happy Easter, dear friends.

Thursday, April 1

Im writing a Neuroscience paper in the air conditioned library, the cool air being completely unnecessary and oppressive because the weather is fresh and beautiful today.  Im in a fairly good mood because of said weather, in addition to the almond windmill cookies I ate last night, and the cucumber tomato sandwich I had for lunch.  Funny how food is such a mood-lifter.  Anyway, is it bad that I nearly dont care how I do on this paper, as long as I finish it?  I attribute this to the common feeling among my peers with post-grad plans and I...why even try?  Will Loyola really withdraw my acceptance if I get a C in Neuroscience?  Im dangerously close to becoming carefree a little too soon.

I apologize for the lack of apostrophes.  Blogspot doesnt seem to be keen on them today.