You know that quote, "Don't ask what the world needs; ask what makes you come alive, then go do it. Because what the world needs is people who are alive". Or something to that effect. I feel like I fit perfectly into the former category. The dead people who toil every day trying to do what the world needs.
How can anyone come alive if they sit at a desk all day? I realize this contradicts a blog I posted when I started my internship. I still like my nice clean downtown office, and it's an okay temporary internship, but it's not for me. Aside from the monotony, it's extremely depressing and I've thoroughly questioned my choice to be a social worker lately. It just seems hopeless. Few people really get why social problems exist and what it will take to reduce them. I just question the purpose of what I'm doing because I really don't think it will ever work.
This semester has been hard. UIC requires more work than Loyola, plus I'm taking an extra course, so I'm hardly managing and it's only 4 weeks in. I could easily manage it all if I didn't really do anything else, but let's be honest, I can't concentrate that long. I haven't even started working today and am already distracted.
BUT, on a positive note, I think it's just because I have to have a degree in order to do what does make me come alive. Or at least I hope it will. There's an organization called Girls on the Run that aims to get underserved young girls physically active, and (little do they know) I've targeted them as my future employer. In fact, I'm volunteering at their fall 5k (and plan to do more in the spring) in order to get my name out there and prove my commitment to their goals. There's a similar organization called Girls in the Game, which is future employer choice #2, but I'm much less skilled at throwing and kicking and aiming than I am at running. Backup plan: be a dog runner. I would be totally happy with that.
I just have to power through this semester. It's gonna suck, but I keep reminding myself that thousands of people go through med school and law school and other rigorous programs every year. I just have to take it a day at a time. And there are good things, like the weather and my cats and my family and my friends and that I'm finally running again, even if in one minute increments. Oh, and Thomas and I are planning a vacation this winter. Likely either Vermont or somewhere warm if we can find a good Groupon (yes, Vermont in winter is very different than Miami). I'm kinda hoping for Vermont because it's cheaper and we can visit some friends and I might finally learn to ski.
In the meantime, I just bought a make-your-own six-pack in preparation for a ho-down tonight, and I couldn't be more excited. I will almost certainly come alive.
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You can do it Ellyn!!
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