I like to think I'd be running right now.

Had you told me five years ago, heck, probably even two or three, that for my own sake I shouldn't run, I would have said "...'kay, great". I certainly would not have been let down, and I may not have been all that excited because I just didn't run. I was an elliptical gal through and through.

But then I started running because it takes less time (to an extent) and is cheaper than going to the gym. I wasn't phenomenal, but for the first time in my life I ran 4 miles at a time and my pace was less than ten minutes. I recall 5th or 6th grade Ellyn running a mile in 11:01. I learned the joys or actually running outside, running early in the morning, running in the cold (love), and running in the heat (for a reduced distance, usually). I started out with a plan, then abandoned it and didn't run nearly enough for about two months. In June, I got back on the wagon. After about a month I decided some direction was needed, so I consulted the training plan gods and started training for a 15k. On July 7th I set out on the first day on the plan. I pushed myself harder than usual because I was determined to follow through this time. About three minutes from the end of my run, something in my hip...sparked. I don't know how else to describe it. It wasn't a tear or a snap or a pop. I tried to run through it and then it spread to another spot on my hip. So I stopped. And limped home.

The next day I woke up and got ready for work as usual, but by the time I walked out of the alley I couldn't walk any further. I called into work and sat on the couch all morning willing my hip to heal. That evening I was to travel to Green Lake, WI, and had been looking forward to running in the wilderness. I optimistically packed two sets of running clothes just in case. They went unused.

In fact, I haven't run further than it takes to catch a bus or the pedestrian walk signal since then. I went to a bone doctor and even with x-rays he couldn't tell me what was wrong. Just that it didn't seem serious and physical therapy oughta do it. I went to a physical therapist, and she has no idea about the etiology. My progression has been disappointingly slow, though not non-existent. I just have to sit and wait and deal with it and not make it worse.

It sucks. I miss running. The mornings were cool this week and would have been the perfect running temperature. Mornings are nice because no one is out. And I never would have thought I'd say that, but it's true that running just makes you feel wonderful. I'm probably idealizing it, because I know there were days when it was hot and I was tired and the run overall was unimpressive. But I always felt good after. And I guess I was proud, because running accomplishments are measurable. I could say with certainty that I have improved by this much, and I did something today which I couldn't do last week. But now all the stuff I could do before, I can't do anymore.

What's really horrible, is that the injury isn't that bad. It doesn't hurt most of the time, and when it does it's not much. But it's there, just teasing me. I was almost a good runner, and now because of this tiny little strain I have to start all over. No 15k this fall. Goodbye, goals. I read Runner's World and running books and visit running stores; but please don't talk to me about the half-marathon you plan to run, or the great run you just had. Call me whiny, but it's unfair and I want to be fixed now, please.

From Stephen Markley, of RedEye fame.

"Americans enjoy squawking about freedom, yet our economic system is designed to constrain. After college, you get a job immediately because those student loan bills are coming. You dare not do anything interesting because you need health insurance from an employer in our privatized system. You work long hours in a job you don't like, and tell yourself—what? You'll find that dream job? Go back to school and get in more debt? We wonder where the innovators and entrepreneurs have gone: They're all in cubicles trying to pay $700 a month in student loans. And remember, these are the lottery winners in American society, the lucky ones."

Thank you, Mr. Markley.

When I initially read this I had a lot to say, but the article was printed 8 days ago and I've since forgotten my eloquence. Here goes.

I believe that college is a time to take chances, make mistakes, get messy; to discover what you're interested in and what makes you passionate.

Unfortunately, this is all occurring while you and your parents spend hundreds of thousands of dollars. So while you may change a lot, and change your mind a lot, over the years (and from my experience, very few people know what they want to do even after they finish college), well, that's too bad because you've already spent the cash and if you discover you would have rather been a chef or traveled the world, too late. You've got debt to pay off, and experimenting with photography in Spain isn't gonna cut it.

I'm not ungrateful for my education, in fact I chose to continue it into the Master's realm (oddly enough, in the hopes that I would make more money. Will it be enough to pay off what I spent on the degree? We'll see). I know I'm very lucky and despite my debt will be just fine.

But I will admit that I feel trapped in this system. I'm not crazy about the job opportunities available to social workers, yet I will inevitably stick with it because it's safe (as safe as jobs can be these days).

I have this crazy hope that I may have to stick it out in a cubicle for a few years, but eventually I'll make enough connections and prove myself an impressive figure in the world of social work that I'll have my pick of the best jobs and one will be perfectly suited to my interests so that I may find it personally and professionally fulfilling. That's as big as I'm willing to dream.

But really, friends notwithstanding, had I known what I know now, I most certainly would have chosen a public institution over IWU, and I may have even just gone to trade school. I'd probably have made more money.

Annotated Bibliography

My summer reading list, since about May 10th, has consisted of:

Cat's Cradle - Kurt Vonnegut

• This is the first Vonnegut novel I've read since Slaughterhouse 5 freshman year of high school, when I clearly did not get the finer points. I liked it very much, but don't have much to say aside from that.

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance - Robert M. Pirsig

• I've been wanting to read this since my very favoritest high school English teacher raved about it. I was highly disappointed. Very philosophical, the guy just goes off for pages about quality and romantics v. realists and I don't even remember anymore. Not that I have anything against philosophy, I just didn't follow this one. It took forever to get through. 

Invisible Monsters - Chuck Palahniuk

• Oh, Chuck Palahniuk. You try so hard to be edgy. There were some very interesting ideas in this, but I just don't buy his characters.

The Glass Castle - Jeanette Walls

• This was fascinating to me, but perhaps just me. I laughed I cried, but mostly I was just infuriated by what awful parents this girl had.

Born to Run - Christopher McDougall

• Phenomenal. I loved it. It made me love running. Each time I picked it up I wanted to stop reading so that I could go running, but it was so wonderful that I had to keep reading. It's about how modern running (giant cushy soles, cortisone shots for injuries) has made us more prone to injury and pain and that the barefoot running movement is actually pretty valid if done properly (throw in a plot about indigenous central Americans and a crazy ex-boxer). I will always have a connection to this book because the first day I set out on my new and inspired running plan, I pulled something in my leg and haven't run in three weeks. If only I had taken his advice.

The God of Small Things - Arundhati Roy

• The entire mood of this book is rain. It's almost mystical. Very sad, but very realistic, it's also very "first-novely". 

The World According to Garp - John Irving

• I just love John Irving. He's just slightly absurd, very original, very believable, and very in touch with human behavior. He has a particular perception about Americans that is never stated outright but that I highly agree with. This book was not quite as good as The Cider House Rules or A Prayer for Owen Meany, but a solid third.

I should have time to finish
The Unbearable Lightness of Being - Milan Kundera

• Not very far into this one, but it's letting me down a bit. Well, I guess I'm just not sure where it's going. It seems like the plot was exhausted in the first chapter. I expect to not understand much of it.

before beginning
Policy Practice for Social Workers: New Strategies for a New Era - Cummins

• womp womp wooooooomp.

Many of my books have lain unread on my shelves for several years. I love the feeling of checking them off the to-read list, having one more book in my repertoire to discuss, or simply to know what it's about, and whether or not I like it. This is why summer and winter breaks are so valuable to me. I can devour these books in a weekend, but give me a textbook and my eyes cross.

4th of July at the lake

Because...I haven't posted pictures in a while.

The thing is though, when you hunker down at the lakefront to take pictures with a bike and full backpack after riding 9 miles, well...you don't really want to move. This limited my subject options. Ah well.

Aaaaand just for fun:

 

!!!

Apparently I thrive on reliability.

I go to an office downtown. I have my very own cubicle, with my very own computer, phone, voicemail, and filing cabinet, which means I don't have to lug a binder full of paperwork back and forth every day. It is next to a window. On Monday I will bring some pictures/flowers/knick-knacks to give the space a personal touch. Every morning there is coffee and tea, and the kitchenette is quite clean. Not only is there a microwave and refrigerator, but a toaster and tea kettle. I have already moved in my coffee creamer, and will likely bring tea and snacks to keep at my desk. The faucet has a Brita filter, which people actually change as needed. People do their dishes with the clean sponge wand and ever-present dish soap. There are no bed bugs. The bathroom light turns on every time, and there is always soap. I don't have to take anyone's food order, or for that matter do anything for anyone but my five superiors (for the record, this is why I'm in social policy and not clinical work). I run in the morning, come home at night and do whatever I want, and spend the weekends snuggling with my kittens.

Though many people find it oppressive, I think I could get used to office life.

Please, please get this already.

I realize that most of the people who read this will probably already agree with me, and that posting it here will really not do much good, and that I have a history of ranting blogs, but I need to get it out.

"Immigrants need to learn English. They chose to come here and if they want to fit in and be successful, they need to learn our ways. I shouldn't have to learn Spanish for them, but if I moved to another country I'd be respectful enough to learn that language".

America does not have an official language. Got it? None. Not English, nothing. In that sense, language is like a free market: languages enter in and out of popularity along with the amount of people who use it. English seems to be the most dominating language, so we consider it the norm. But when a new player comes in, ie the Spanish-speaking population, the increasing presence and use of that language is not an unfair accommodation to foreigners which shoves aside American rights, it is simply the free market of language adapting to the abundance of a new population. They've made a new norm. Considering that this is a free country with no single ethnic or racial history, leaving the growing Hispanic population with every right to language domination (though I highly doubt that is their goal, but that's another argument), if you don't like it you had best find a country that actually has a right to claim language preference and see what it's like to get by there.

The end.

Ten Essentials

Every month, GQ features a celebrity, icon, or man-about-town and the 10 things that man considers “essential” to…his existence, I guess. These range from clothes to hygiene products to books to family tokens, etc. For interested parties, and because I’m unemployed for two weeks, I have compiled a list of my own. I should say these are essential entirely in the context of my life as a young grad student in Chicago.

1. Planner. Yes, a real-live paper planner that you write on. Even when I don’t have assignments to keep track of, I can’t imagine not having a planner. I wouldn’t remember ANYTHING. Transitioning to digital organization would be logical, but there’s just something so satisfying about crossing an item off your to-do list, and seeing your whole month planned out in front of you.

2. Moving Comfort Gaia sports bra. TMI? Maybe. But I spent years with my boobs squished under spandex sports bras, still unsupported. This thing is magic. I no longer worry about the sagging effects of running.

3. Blank thank you cards. Always, always, always come in handy. Thank you for the gift, for writing my recommendation, for interviewing with me, for being a great supervisor, for letting me stay with you, and so on. You don’t want to have to run out and buy a card every time something like that comes up. Thank you cards are oh-so-classy, and everyone loves getting handwritten mail.

4. North Face Borealis backpack. Once I graduate, I will burn this thing. Except not really, because it has withstood three years of hard use and shows no more wear than a little dirt. It’s heavy and a pain in the ass, but it has gotten me through many days with two meals, a change of clothes, school books, and all my needs. And it’s water resistant.

4. Outdoor Research Aspire rain jacket. If it were winter, I would have said my North Face parka. But it’s not, and it has been raining all week. I love this jacket. It’s not as cute as a London Fog trench, but I look goofy in those anyway. It’s a cute dark red, the hood is extremely snug and sturdy and doesn’t flop around, and it has a lifetime guarantee. Something every commuter should have.

5. Sunday Chicago Tribune subscription. I got a year for $13 with Groupon, or else I never would have gotten this. But I LOVE it. I love reading the newspaper with coffee on a Sunday morning. No matter how busy I am, I know I will have at least that time. And even if I don’t really know much about the news, I can at least stay a little in touch with the times.

6. Boar’s hair bristle round brush. Yes, one of those round combs, but the bristle’s are made of bar’s hair. No matter how many defrizzing products I’ve tried, a boar’s hair brush is the most smoothing and eliminates 80% of the job formerly done by my flat iron.

7. Allrecipes.com. I’m not really sure if this counts. But I use it all the time. They have a feature where you can search for all recipes containing a certain ingredient, so if I find myself with a whole lot of something that’s about to expire, or needing to cook for a party but with only a select few ingredients, Allrecipes is super-handy.

8. UPASS. For the summer, my UPASS is out of business and I had to buy a good ol’ fashioned monthly pass. However usually I pay $80-100 for the year…or semester…yes that’s a big difference but either way it’s a good deal considering how much I use this. Like, 2-8 times every single day.

9. Forever Yogurt. This isn’t an essential in the sense that I go there a lot, but it’s an essential in the sense that it’s awesome and where Thomas and I usually end up after we go out to dinner or spend an evening wandering around Wicker Park. For the unenlightened folk, it’s a build your own fro-yo bar. With endless free samples (well, I’m sure they’d catch on eventually).

10. Small (fake) pearl studs. I'll be honest, I would forget to wear earrings if I didn't constantly have these in. In fact, I didn't wear earrings for several years for that reason. Then I put these babies in about a year ago and haven't taken them out much since. Shower, sleep, gym, whatever, they go with anything, and they're elegant and understated. Always removable for more special occasions.