I am seriously honest-to-goodness unbelievably sick of the job hunt. I'm constantly anxious and can't focus on anything else. I refresh my email and phone every 2 minutes just in case someone tried to contact me. When I'm not doing that, I'm checking the same 3 job sites over and over. I've submitted 39 job applications, have interviewed with three of them, and have heard just plain "we already filled the position" from 3 more. 39 applications and I've heard back from 6. Obviously, I have gotten none.
And it's also just a pain. I met with a guy about working at a dog boarder two weeks ago and he basically gave me the job but said he'd have to wait to get it approved by his boss. In the mean time of course I kept looking for jobs because I need something more than minimum wage. He called back today to say I could start Monday, but I turned him down because I'm still holding out for a big girl job and don't want to work there for like 3 weeks then leave. So now I feel like a jerk because he thought I was gonna take it, and I think he still thinks I'm gonna take it if I don't find something by June. But how can I? How can I commit myself to a minimum wage part-time job, and not still look for something else?
After I hung up I nearly vomited with anxiousness. Honest. And now after writing this I want to scream.
I have a Master's Degree, people. Not that that makes me more awesome
than anyone, but it certainly makes me qualified to do SOMETHING. Tomorrow I get a diploma that put me $30k in debt (at least...I don't even know) and my employment prospects are looking no better than they would have if I had taken a few technical training courses or gotten an Associate's in something. Actually those people are probably getting paid more because they have actual skills.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Jin & Tonic
I've been getting a lot of infections of sorts lately, which the usual suspects (doctors) can't seem to figure out the cause of nor get rid of. After trying "home remedies" like adjusting my diet and chugging apple cider vinegar to no avail, I made an appointment to see a Chinese herbalist. Rather, she's a licensed acupuncturist, but I just wanted immune-boosting herbs. The name of her practice is Jin & Tonic (like herbal tonic...cool right?)
I went to her office yesterday and was really excited 'cause I'm into this kinda stuff, and we talked about what's going on, and she gave me a bunch of eastern-informed balanced diet tips. Apparently I have too much "damp heat" in my body, so I shouldn't have raw veggies or cow's dairy (which create mucus), yeast, sugar, spices, coffee, or grilled things. I should have a lot of sauteed greens, herbal tea, and grains. Fruit is fine. Eventually I should be able to reincorporate spices, goat's dairy, grilled things, limited wheat, and occasional raw veggies, but not white sugar. I also learned that the spleen is somehow connected to sugar (and the liver is connected to sourness...I don't fully understand this part), but the fact that I eat way too much sugar is probably related to having had mono (spleen failure) 3 times throughout my life, first very severely at age 5.
Then she said "So you want acupuncture?". And I said "Uuhhh if that's what you think I need". And she said it was. Not only that, but she recommended a treatment called Gua Sha, which involves "scraping" the back and neck with a curved seashell-looking tool to pull the toxins out of your body. She said it would hurt, but was necessary if I wanted to really get healthier. So I did both.
I feel like every time I've seen someone get acupuncture on TV, you know, like when I watch the Dr. Oz show at the gym, the patient is always so shocked because they can't even feel it and it doesn't hurt at all. That's wrong. It's not super painful, but you definitely feel a prick from the needle. After a while it goes away, but on some sensitive parts it doesn't. And don't you dare move, because you will feel it. I literally had to lay completely still for half an hour. When I did unintentionally twitch my big toe, my calf cramped up horribly and I thought I had ruined everything. But it went by pretty fast and was sorta relaxing. I wish she had taken a picture, 'cause I would have liked to see myself with needles sticking out of my face.
Then came the Gua Sha. She prefaced it by saying "I don't press too hard but it will feel like I'm scraping off your skin". Good. In fact, her definition of "not too hard" is completely opposed to my definition. I don't even know what to say about it, other than that it's exactly what you would imagine. It was ridiculously painful, more so in some sensitive, more toxin-ated parts. In the picture you see below, that's not actually bruising, those are my toxins. Bruises don't show up the second you bump your leg, they take a while, at least a few minutes, to develop. This was instant. Like the second she pulled one little scrape across my shoulder blade she's say "oh this part's gonna be bad".
All in all, she said it wasn't as bad as she expected and that I probably have good metabolism since I'm young and fairly active. Though some parts are dark purple, it could have been black. Take a look:
The lingering pain isn't is bad as you would expect, but my neck is pretty stiff and it does feel like my back is mildly-moderately bruised. I actually think it's pretty badass and I don't regret it at all. I can't say whether I feel more energetic or detoxified for now, but I don't feel worse so...that's gotta mean something.
I went to her office yesterday and was really excited 'cause I'm into this kinda stuff, and we talked about what's going on, and she gave me a bunch of eastern-informed balanced diet tips. Apparently I have too much "damp heat" in my body, so I shouldn't have raw veggies or cow's dairy (which create mucus), yeast, sugar, spices, coffee, or grilled things. I should have a lot of sauteed greens, herbal tea, and grains. Fruit is fine. Eventually I should be able to reincorporate spices, goat's dairy, grilled things, limited wheat, and occasional raw veggies, but not white sugar. I also learned that the spleen is somehow connected to sugar (and the liver is connected to sourness...I don't fully understand this part), but the fact that I eat way too much sugar is probably related to having had mono (spleen failure) 3 times throughout my life, first very severely at age 5.
Then she said "So you want acupuncture?". And I said "Uuhhh if that's what you think I need". And she said it was. Not only that, but she recommended a treatment called Gua Sha, which involves "scraping" the back and neck with a curved seashell-looking tool to pull the toxins out of your body. She said it would hurt, but was necessary if I wanted to really get healthier. So I did both.
I feel like every time I've seen someone get acupuncture on TV, you know, like when I watch the Dr. Oz show at the gym, the patient is always so shocked because they can't even feel it and it doesn't hurt at all. That's wrong. It's not super painful, but you definitely feel a prick from the needle. After a while it goes away, but on some sensitive parts it doesn't. And don't you dare move, because you will feel it. I literally had to lay completely still for half an hour. When I did unintentionally twitch my big toe, my calf cramped up horribly and I thought I had ruined everything. But it went by pretty fast and was sorta relaxing. I wish she had taken a picture, 'cause I would have liked to see myself with needles sticking out of my face.
Then came the Gua Sha. She prefaced it by saying "I don't press too hard but it will feel like I'm scraping off your skin". Good. In fact, her definition of "not too hard" is completely opposed to my definition. I don't even know what to say about it, other than that it's exactly what you would imagine. It was ridiculously painful, more so in some sensitive, more toxin-ated parts. In the picture you see below, that's not actually bruising, those are my toxins. Bruises don't show up the second you bump your leg, they take a while, at least a few minutes, to develop. This was instant. Like the second she pulled one little scrape across my shoulder blade she's say "oh this part's gonna be bad".
All in all, she said it wasn't as bad as she expected and that I probably have good metabolism since I'm young and fairly active. Though some parts are dark purple, it could have been black. Take a look:
The lingering pain isn't is bad as you would expect, but my neck is pretty stiff and it does feel like my back is mildly-moderately bruised. I actually think it's pretty badass and I don't regret it at all. I can't say whether I feel more energetic or detoxified for now, but I don't feel worse so...that's gotta mean something.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
A revelation
You know what I just realized? I hate cooking.
I don't know who I've been fooling all these years. Week after week, rather than sticking with simple, throw it together, no-cook meals, I've slaved over the stove in search of the perfect balance of nutrition and flavor.
Here's something to know: many vegetarians don't bother to make sure they're getting enough protein, and many who do rely heavily on soy. Soy is very convenient and filling. But I do care about protein, and I don't eat soy outside of the sauce variety, so I've had to be very creative in coming up with dishes that use beans - sometimes nuts, dairy, and eggs, but those are more snacky-type proteins in my world. As a result, recipe searching and meal planning and grocery list making have consumed me. Plus I'm picky in other ways - trying to cut back on sugar, eating mostly whole foods with no funny stuff, lots of veggies, you know. Cooking has just become a huge and unquestionable part of my life.
But today I questioned! I was making tomato soup from scratch, because Trader Joe's tomato soup has sugar and carageenan (WTF why?), and it was like 80 degrees out and I was making a mess and I ended up with a million dishes. Dishes are a huge reason I hate cooking. And I thought: Shit. I don't have time for this.
My mother always said that if she could, she'd hire a cook over a maid. I thought she was nuts. Cooking is fun! I loved trying out new recipes when we had guests over or for special occasions. It probably helped that we had a "whoever cooks doesn't have to do the dishes" rule (totally subjecting my future kids to that). But the thing is, I never HAD to cook. I HAD to clean, but I never came home from school or work, just wanting to watch TV or play with my friends, but instead heading straight to the kitchen to work some more. I definitely get it now.
SO, what does this mean for Ellyn? There are a TON of sandwiches and salads in my future. And honestly, I can't wait. The thought of not waiting for rice to boil and no sloppy pots to clean...makes me want to cry.
I don't know who I've been fooling all these years. Week after week, rather than sticking with simple, throw it together, no-cook meals, I've slaved over the stove in search of the perfect balance of nutrition and flavor.
Here's something to know: many vegetarians don't bother to make sure they're getting enough protein, and many who do rely heavily on soy. Soy is very convenient and filling. But I do care about protein, and I don't eat soy outside of the sauce variety, so I've had to be very creative in coming up with dishes that use beans - sometimes nuts, dairy, and eggs, but those are more snacky-type proteins in my world. As a result, recipe searching and meal planning and grocery list making have consumed me. Plus I'm picky in other ways - trying to cut back on sugar, eating mostly whole foods with no funny stuff, lots of veggies, you know. Cooking has just become a huge and unquestionable part of my life.
But today I questioned! I was making tomato soup from scratch, because Trader Joe's tomato soup has sugar and carageenan (WTF why?), and it was like 80 degrees out and I was making a mess and I ended up with a million dishes. Dishes are a huge reason I hate cooking. And I thought: Shit. I don't have time for this.
My mother always said that if she could, she'd hire a cook over a maid. I thought she was nuts. Cooking is fun! I loved trying out new recipes when we had guests over or for special occasions. It probably helped that we had a "whoever cooks doesn't have to do the dishes" rule (totally subjecting my future kids to that). But the thing is, I never HAD to cook. I HAD to clean, but I never came home from school or work, just wanting to watch TV or play with my friends, but instead heading straight to the kitchen to work some more. I definitely get it now.
SO, what does this mean for Ellyn? There are a TON of sandwiches and salads in my future. And honestly, I can't wait. The thought of not waiting for rice to boil and no sloppy pots to clean...makes me want to cry.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
February 18, 2012: Life Lesson
That time I ate an entire can of roasted chickpeas because they were so crunchy and addicting, and then felt really sick because no matter how healthy they appear, it's still an entire can of chickpeas...wasn't just a fluke.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
February 2, 2012: Life Lesson
Lemon rind has some sort of protective force field on it that makes producing any measurable quantity of lemon zest nearly impossible, with detrimental effects to the flavor of my supposedly-lemon sugar cookies.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Big dreams.
Most young adults, I think, don't get to be too picky about their first apartment. We focus on what we can afford in a location near our job or where employment options seem good. Hopefully the neighborhood isn't too shady and there's a grocery store nearby. From my perception at least, the details don't matter too much.
My apartment was more or less chosen for me. I didn't look at a single place in the city and committed to living here before I even saw it. But we worked with it, and these days it doesn't look too shabby, if I do say so myself. The location is even substantially better than I originally expected. All things considered, I've got a pretty sweet deal worked out.
Still, living independent from my parents in a real adult apartment has taught me many things to be aware of when considering living arrangements in the future that I otherwise may not have considered (run-on sentence? Sorry). A lack of the following items will more or less be deal-breakers when I'm ready to make the next move:
-a very large kitchen sink
-a garbage disposal
-substantial bathroom counter/mirror space (double sinks would be magic)
-storage, storage, storage
-a foyer/mudroom area
-normal sized ceilings so I don't have to pull a ladder out every time I need something on the top shelf
This is sort of a boring list. It's not like "a breakfast nook" or "rooftop access" or "a jacuzzi bathtub". I expect to have plenty of time later on to be picky about those things. For now, I would just die to be able to wash a pot without constantly bumping the faucet.
My apartment was more or less chosen for me. I didn't look at a single place in the city and committed to living here before I even saw it. But we worked with it, and these days it doesn't look too shabby, if I do say so myself. The location is even substantially better than I originally expected. All things considered, I've got a pretty sweet deal worked out.
Still, living independent from my parents in a real adult apartment has taught me many things to be aware of when considering living arrangements in the future that I otherwise may not have considered (run-on sentence? Sorry). A lack of the following items will more or less be deal-breakers when I'm ready to make the next move:
-a very large kitchen sink
-a garbage disposal
-substantial bathroom counter/mirror space (double sinks would be magic)
-storage, storage, storage
-a foyer/mudroom area
-normal sized ceilings so I don't have to pull a ladder out every time I need something on the top shelf
This is sort of a boring list. It's not like "a breakfast nook" or "rooftop access" or "a jacuzzi bathtub". I expect to have plenty of time later on to be picky about those things. For now, I would just die to be able to wash a pot without constantly bumping the faucet.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
The Mayan's were lyin', nobody's dyin'.
Thanks for those words of wisdom, Justin Biebs.
I want to write a New Year's post, perhaps to formally acknowledge the season, but I'm not sure what to write. I feel like I had a bunch of good ideas late in December, but I've either forgotten them or realized they weren't so great.
So what am I doing here...
Well, I think I'll just say that I believe this year will be wonderful and exciting. I've already started out with a trip to Miami Beach. Currently I'm on day 3 of a post-holiday cleanse that requires me to eat nothing but fruits, veggies, nuts, seeds, and plant oils. I probably gorged too much on trail mix yesterday, but technically that's not cheating and I'm proud to have come this far. Other things I look forward to:
I want to write a New Year's post, perhaps to formally acknowledge the season, but I'm not sure what to write. I feel like I had a bunch of good ideas late in December, but I've either forgotten them or realized they weren't so great.
So what am I doing here...
Well, I think I'll just say that I believe this year will be wonderful and exciting. I've already started out with a trip to Miami Beach. Currently I'm on day 3 of a post-holiday cleanse that requires me to eat nothing but fruits, veggies, nuts, seeds, and plant oils. I probably gorged too much on trail mix yesterday, but technically that's not cheating and I'm proud to have come this far. Other things I look forward to:
- My sister Michelle is having a baby :) another girl according to the sonograms, to be named Abigail. I love babies.
- I will finish grad school! It's an odd thought, being done with school forever, since that's all I've ever done. I'm fairly confident that I'll be able to find a job, but I'm nervous that I won't find one I really love. The biggest plus to all this: income. (Which of course comes with more bills...meh).
- I'm determined to become a better runner. I've been stuck at 3 miles for over a year, but I'm hoping to do the Soldier Field 10-mile in May. Injuries and laziness beware, I will overcome you.
- I really really really hope to have some time off after graduation to visit my dearest friend Linda in Boston! This year will be a year for traveling.
- Thomas has some big work ideas. Before the holidays he had his first appointment as an official stylist! Let me know if you need one...
- My other sister Anna plans to get her own apartment (fingers crossed...you can do it Anna!)
- My mama will get a part-time job after leaving her career last year. Hopefully one she loves!
- Drew and Maria are getting married! I love weddings about as much as I love babies.
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