Just me and the cats.

Oh hey, blog. It's been a while. Like, more than two months of a while. I've been busy, you know, working at a job I hate during the week in order to afford doing cool stuff on the weekends. Did you hear? I went to both Boston and Vermont this summer! Go me for increasing my airplane fuel consumption by 600% over 2011! And it's only September!

Oh right, but then I quit my job. Remember how I said I hated it? Yeah. I just left. I kinda hate that, because I'm not the type of person to leave without giving notice. But I had been thinking about quitting for a while, and just kept telling myself that it was irresponsible and I needed to hang on til I found another job. Then two weeks in a row I came home crying to Thomas because I was miserable, and one fateful Thursday morning the thought of returning the following Monday just filled me with dread. So I was like..."peace!" No really it was awkward and uncomfortable and I felt really awful about it, but what's done is done. I am 100% certified unemployed.

So, here I am, blog! For the past week, my days have more or less looked like: wake up at 7 or 8, spend most of the morning applying for jobs, make lunch, possibly run an errand or two, read, hang out with Thomas, possibly exercise, meditate, watch How I Met Your Mother, bed by 10 or 11. Not gonna lie, it's pretty awesome. I wouldn't mind having a sugar daddy.

In reality, though, the reason I was able to convince myself that this move was not all-together irrational, is that I'm devoting myself to the job hunt. Not just spending my lunch breaks e-blasting my resume across the Chicagoland area, but crafting tailored and gripping cover letters for those few places I really would love to work. My mom also calls a lot and asks me to come home and watch the dogs or visit Grandma since, you know, I'm not doing anything else.

In the meantime, I've accepted that it's only fair to take on the majority of the house work. I've also scavenged for free yoga classes and just got an email that I have a book in at the library. Free stuff! Maybe I'll sell some things on Etsy or start a professional blog for extra cash. Unfortunately that involves buying yarn and/or a domain. Whatevs.

It's been real, blog! Til we meet again, which, let's be honest, I hope is later rather than sooner.

OMG Everything you ever wanted to know about Ellyn's health

Oh hey, so you remember that time almost 4 months ago when I went to an acupuncturist and she detoxed me and told me to overhaul my diet, and then I was like "isn't this neat I'll let you all know how it goes!!!" and then I didn't? Well, that was mainly because nothing really...went. I never managed to cut sugar/wheat/dairy/coffee/alcohol completely out of my diet, but compared to what it had been before and what I imagine most people eat, those vices are all but an afterthought that has largely stuck, which I am pleased about. Yet trucking along in this way for months, I still had very little energy most of the time, and a lingering bacterial imbalance in my digestive system.

Fast forward to about mid-June when I happened to have my blood pressure taken, revealing 75/54. Oh, uh, whoa. Shit. That seems low, right? So I freaked a bit and worried about going into septic shock for the next week before I could see a doctor. By that time my blood pressure was up to something like 90/60, so she gave me a bunch of digestive enzymes/probiotics/yeasts for my stomach, told me to eat a lot of salt, and took a blood sample.

Fast forward another week to me sitting alone in an exam room at work, checking my email, and I open a PDF of the results of my blood test. "Tests reveal autoimmune hypothyroidism and iron-deficient anemia". Email is a strange way to find out you have a life-changing chronic illness.

So that's that. The anemia is kind of no big deal, I just have to take supplements and it will probably clear up, along with the bacterial infection, once my thyroid hormones become regulated. But that's a different story. When I went back in to talk to my doctor, she told me I'll probably have to take hormone replacements my entire life (although my chiropractor contested that notion). Regardless, I do have to take them for now. Fortunately they're natural rather than synthetic, although those have been more difficult to come by.

What it boils down to is that my thyroid is not producing enough T3 and T4. This is largely because of my excessive gluten intake throughout life: the molecular structure of gluten is very similar to the molecular structure of the thyroid, so when I eat gluten and my body attacks it, my body also attacks its own thyroid and therefore its own immune system (or something like that). Why my body decided to start attacking gluten at this particular point is a mystery, although it might have something to do with my body fighting this bacterial imbalance for the last six months. In the end, what was initially a temporary gluten cleanse is now a forever gluten elimination. My doctor said I won't die if I cave and eat a slice of pizza, but I'm not too sure if it's worth it. Thomas brought home cupcakes last night, which I did indulge in, and I was fine for a few hours before turning into a cranky, anxious bitch (read: body is already not regulating hormones properly, and the gluten caused it to attack the ones it was making).

So here's the thing point of all this:

This needed to happen to me.

I have had a sugar and wheat addiction probably my whole life. Not mentally, but physically. I have been a reasonably healthy person the last two years, but I could never kick the wheat and sugar. So some force beyond my knowledge decided that if I couldn't take care of it by choice, I would be forced to take care of it. I'm glad that happened, and I'm willing to work with it because I know I will be happier, less moody, and have more energy.

The part that SUCKS the most is that it's so difficult to find food without those things in it. And that's why I'm so concerned. I know not everyone has a serious gluten intolerance, but it is difficult for the human body to digest gluten. Wheat is also so far removed from its original form that it's more chemical than food. I'm sorry to sound preachy, but I hope this isn't just dismissed as health-food-nuttery. These are just facts. In the end, I would really encourage that if you have digestive problems, low energy, headaches, etc, to seriously look into a gluten-free diet. If we really are so concerned about reducing major chronic diseases in this country, we need to take responsibility for what we put in our own bodies.

Sorry about that last part, I couldn't resist. Anyway I guess that's the great reveal. Consider me diagnosed.

It's hard out there for a stingy, eco-friendly young lady.

Now that I'm no longer a student (read: no longer have a U-Pass), I've been riding my bike most places to save money. Usually it's fine. I've been a recreational city rider for a while, so I'm confident enough, and while my mother frets over my safety I've always figured if I'm cautious I'll be fine. It's also a great season for riding and the weather has been very forgiving (except that fuckin wind).

Mainly my riding consists of the 4-mile-each-way commute to work. I take a heavily frequented route, which is reassuring to know I'm not alone out there. Yesterday on my ride home:

1. The guy in front of me got clipped by a car that was pulling out from a light that had just changed green. The side of the car bumped his shin and the mirror got his handlebar. The guy was fine, as the car was only going 10 miles per hour, maybe, but he cursed at the driver, rightfully so. The driver was either a malicious bastard or COMPLETELY clueless. I was frazzled.
2. I was riding between cars parked at the curb to my right, and a huuuuuuuuge line of cars waiting at a stop light to my left. This is one of the most unsettling situations since space is very tight and you never know who's going to swing open a door. So I was riding quickly but cautiously when two dudes and a dog stepped from the sidewalk to cross the street in front of me, like right in front of me, giving me not much room to brake, and I thought I was gonna bowl over the dog. However I managed to swerve around them, and in an entirely nonthreatening way said "watch it". I didn't yell, I just sounded annoyed. Then one of the dudes yells back at me: "PEDESTRIAN RIGHTS!". Seriously, bro? You think I don't appreciate pedestrian rights?? If I could describe myself to an employer in three words, one of them would be "pedestrian", and all it entails. I know that pedestrians have rights, but if they don't want to die (or at least be considered a self-important dick) they won't step in front of quickly moving traffic. Bikes are no exception.
3. And while we're at it, all those guys who can't stand being passed by a girl can suck it. I am NOT very fast so this has only happened a couple of times, but it pisses me off. My conclusion is that if I can pass them then they must be pretty slow and have no business trying to prove anything.

To recap: I need a car. Or scooter.

grump grump.

I am seriously honest-to-goodness unbelievably sick of the job hunt. I'm constantly anxious and can't focus on anything else. I refresh my email and phone every 2 minutes just in case someone tried to contact me. When I'm not doing that, I'm checking the same 3 job sites over and over. I've submitted 39 job applications, have interviewed with three of them, and have heard just plain "we already filled the position" from 3 more. 39 applications and I've heard back from 6. Obviously, I have gotten none.

And it's also just a pain. I met with a guy about working at a dog boarder two weeks ago and he basically gave me the job but said he'd have to wait to get it approved by his boss. In the mean time of course I kept looking for jobs because I need something more than minimum wage. He called back today to say I could start Monday, but I turned him down because I'm still holding out for a big girl job and don't want to work there for like 3 weeks then leave. So now I feel like a jerk because he thought I was gonna take it, and I think he still thinks I'm gonna take it if I don't find something by June. But how can I? How can I commit myself to a minimum wage part-time job, and not still look for something else?

After I hung up I nearly vomited with anxiousness. Honest. And now after writing this I want to scream.

I have a Master's Degree, people. Not that that makes me more awesome than anyone, but it certainly makes me qualified to do SOMETHING. Tomorrow I get a diploma that put me $30k in debt (at least...I don't even know) and my employment prospects are looking no better than they would have if I had taken a few technical training courses or gotten an Associate's in something. Actually those people are probably getting paid more because they have actual skills.

Jin & Tonic

I've been getting a lot of infections of sorts lately, which the usual suspects (doctors) can't seem to figure out the cause of nor get rid of. After trying "home remedies" like adjusting my diet and chugging apple cider vinegar to no avail, I made an appointment to see a Chinese herbalist. Rather, she's a licensed acupuncturist, but I just wanted immune-boosting herbs. The name of her practice is Jin & Tonic (like herbal tonic...cool right?)

I went to her office yesterday and was really excited 'cause I'm into this kinda stuff, and we talked about what's going on, and she gave me a bunch of eastern-informed balanced diet tips. Apparently I have too much "damp heat" in my body, so I shouldn't have raw veggies or cow's dairy (which create mucus), yeast, sugar, spices, coffee, or grilled things. I should have a lot of sauteed greens, herbal tea, and grains. Fruit is fine. Eventually I should be able to reincorporate spices, goat's dairy, grilled things, limited wheat, and occasional raw veggies, but not white sugar. I also learned that the spleen is somehow connected to sugar (and the liver is connected to sourness...I don't fully understand this part), but the fact that I eat way too much sugar is probably related to having had mono (spleen failure) 3 times throughout my life, first very severely at age 5.

Then she said "So you want acupuncture?". And I said "Uuhhh if that's what you think I need". And she said it was. Not only that, but she recommended a treatment called Gua Sha, which involves "scraping" the back and neck with a curved seashell-looking tool to pull the toxins out of your body. She said it would hurt, but was necessary if I wanted to really get healthier. So I did both.

I feel like every time I've seen someone get acupuncture on TV, you know, like when I watch the Dr. Oz show at the gym, the patient is always so shocked because they can't even feel it and it doesn't hurt at all. That's wrong. It's not super painful, but you definitely feel a prick from the needle. After a while it goes away, but on some sensitive parts it doesn't. And don't you dare move, because you will feel it. I literally had to lay completely still for half an hour. When I did unintentionally twitch my big toe, my calf cramped up horribly and I thought I had ruined everything. But it went by pretty fast and was sorta relaxing. I wish she had taken a picture, 'cause I would have liked to see myself with needles sticking out of my face.

Then came the Gua Sha. She prefaced it by saying "I don't press too hard but it will feel like I'm scraping off your skin". Good. In fact, her definition of "not too hard" is completely opposed to my definition. I don't even know what to say about it, other than that it's exactly what you would imagine. It was ridiculously painful, more so in some sensitive, more toxin-ated parts. In the picture you see below, that's not actually bruising, those are my toxins. Bruises don't show up the second you bump your leg, they take a while, at least a few minutes, to develop. This was instant. Like the second she pulled one little scrape across my shoulder blade she's say "oh this part's gonna be bad".

All in all, she said it wasn't as bad as she expected and that I probably have good metabolism since I'm young and fairly active. Though some parts are dark purple, it could have been black. Take a look:

The lingering pain isn't is bad as you would expect, but my neck is pretty stiff and it does feel like my back is mildly-moderately bruised. I actually think it's pretty badass and I don't regret it at all. I can't say whether I feel more energetic or detoxified for now, but I don't feel worse so...that's gotta mean something.

A revelation

You know what I just realized? I hate cooking.

I don't know who I've been fooling all these years. Week after week, rather than sticking with simple, throw it together, no-cook meals, I've slaved over the stove in search of the perfect balance of nutrition and flavor.
Here's something to know: many vegetarians don't bother to make sure they're getting enough protein, and many who do rely heavily on soy. Soy is very convenient and filling. But I do care about protein, and I don't eat soy outside of the sauce variety, so I've had to be very creative in coming up with dishes that use beans - sometimes nuts, dairy, and eggs, but those are more snacky-type proteins in my world. As a result, recipe searching and meal planning and grocery list making have consumed me. Plus I'm picky in other ways - trying to cut back on sugar, eating mostly whole foods with no funny stuff, lots of veggies, you know. Cooking has just become a huge and unquestionable part of my life.

But today I questioned! I was making tomato soup from scratch, because Trader Joe's tomato soup has sugar and carageenan (WTF why?), and it was like 80 degrees out and I was making a mess and I ended up with a million dishes. Dishes are a huge reason I hate cooking. And I thought: Shit. I don't have time for this.

My mother always said that if she could, she'd hire a cook over a maid. I thought she was nuts. Cooking is fun! I loved trying out new recipes when we had guests over or for special occasions. It probably helped that we had a "whoever cooks doesn't have to do the dishes" rule (totally subjecting my future kids to that). But the thing is, I never HAD to cook. I HAD to clean, but I never came home from school or work, just wanting to watch TV or play with my friends, but instead heading straight to the kitchen to work some more. I definitely get it now.

SO, what does this mean for Ellyn? There are a TON of sandwiches and salads in my future. And honestly, I can't wait. The thought of not waiting for rice to boil and no sloppy pots to clean...makes me want to cry.

February 18, 2012: Life Lesson

That time I ate an entire can of roasted chickpeas because they were so crunchy and addicting, and then felt really sick because no matter how healthy they appear, it's still an entire can of chickpeas...wasn't just a fluke.

February 2, 2012: Life Lesson

Lemon rind has some sort of protective force field on it that makes producing any measurable quantity of lemon zest nearly impossible, with detrimental effects to the flavor of my supposedly-lemon sugar cookies.

Big dreams.

Most young adults, I think, don't get to be too picky about their first apartment. We focus on what we can afford in a location near our job or where employment options seem good. Hopefully the neighborhood isn't too shady and there's a grocery store nearby. From my perception at least, the details don't matter too much.

My apartment was more or less chosen for me. I didn't look at a single place in the city and committed to living here before I even saw it. But we worked with it, and these days it doesn't look too shabby, if I do say so myself. The location is even substantially better than I originally expected. All things considered, I've got a pretty sweet deal worked out.

Still, living independent from my parents in a real adult apartment has taught me many things to be aware of when considering living arrangements in the future that I otherwise may not have considered (run-on sentence? Sorry). A lack of the following items will more or less be deal-breakers when I'm ready to make the next move:
-a very large kitchen sink
-a garbage disposal
-substantial bathroom counter/mirror space (double sinks would be magic)
-storage, storage, storage
-a foyer/mudroom area
-normal sized ceilings so I don't have to pull a ladder out every time I need something on the top shelf

This is sort of a boring list. It's not like "a breakfast nook" or "rooftop access" or "a jacuzzi bathtub". I expect to have plenty of time later on to be picky about those things. For now, I would just die to be able to wash a pot without constantly bumping the faucet.

The Mayan's were lyin', nobody's dyin'.

Thanks for those words of wisdom, Justin Biebs.

I want to write a New Year's post, perhaps to formally acknowledge the season, but I'm not sure what to write. I feel like I had a bunch of good ideas late in December, but I've either forgotten them or realized they weren't so great.

So what am I doing here...

Well, I think I'll just say that I believe this year will be wonderful and exciting. I've already started out with a trip to Miami Beach. Currently I'm on day 3 of a post-holiday cleanse that requires me to eat nothing but fruits, veggies, nuts, seeds, and plant oils. I probably gorged too much on trail mix yesterday, but technically that's not cheating and I'm proud to have come this far. Other things I look forward to:

• My sister Michelle is having a baby :) another girl according to the sonograms, to be named Abigail. I love babies.
• I will finish grad school! It's an odd thought, being done with school forever, since that's all I've ever done. I'm fairly confident that I'll be able to find a job, but I'm nervous that I won't find one I really love. The biggest plus to all this: income. (Which of course comes with more bills...meh). 
• I'm determined to become a better runner. I've been stuck at 3 miles for over a year, but I'm hoping to do the Soldier Field 10-mile in May. Injuries and laziness beware, I will overcome you.
• I really really really hope to have some time off after graduation to visit my dearest friend Linda in Boston! This year will be a year for traveling.
• Thomas has some big work ideas. Before the holidays he had his first appointment as an official stylist! Let me know if you need one...
• My other sister Anna plans to get her own apartment (fingers crossed...you can do it Anna!)
• My mama will get a part-time job after leaving her career last year. Hopefully one she loves!
• Drew and Maria are getting married! I love weddings about as much as I love babies.

I just have a good feeling about 2012. I love to see things working out for everyone. Keep on the up-and-up, folks.