Thanks, Ishmael.

My actions do not reflect my priorities. Which in fact means that what I tell myself are my priorities are really not, but my real values are reflected by my actions. This is a very disappointing conclusion to come to. It means that I don't feel my own values are worthy or estimable. And yet I'm so used to them, they're so bound in my lifestyle, they give me such a needed sense of control, that I don't know how to shift to a lifestyle which endorses the values that I want to have, the values that I actually value.

Just thoughts.

Under the El

Vignette

My apartment is really the second floor of a thin, long house. We have a lovely picture window in the front and plenty of windows elsewhere. On autumn days of bright colors and falling leaves, when I'm at the kitchen table writing a paper or on the couch reading the newspaper, I feel like I'm sitting on my perch in a bird's nest. On snowy days of late, with my tiny Christmas tree and cup of cider, I feel like the apartment is a snowglobe (albeit a boring one, no dancing bears or anything).

I like it. I feel safe and snug. Though I also feel like a very tiny creature within a giant's plaything, like the cat's collar from Men in Black. There may be a large and curious eye peering at me right now, calling over other large eyes when I shower or stub my toe. I don't mind; maybe that means I'd be successful on a reality show. When I leave the apartment, though, I will no longer be in the giant's realm, because whatever his little microcosm container is, it only contains the second floor of this building. Now I've gotten carried away with myself.

Extreme Ellyn tackles…TECHNOLOGY!

 

Whaaaaat? I just got a new phone, and much to my surprise, it’s a SMARTPHONE. I’ve never intended to own one of these, it was just the prettiest one under $100. Next thing I know, I’m synching my Facebook account and downloading apps and good grief even TAKING PICTURES with my phone! I’m having a very hard time getting used to the touch screen and tiny buttons, but overall it’s an improvement. However I HATE that I have about a gazillion contacts because all of my Facebook friends and Gmail contacts are automatically entered and I can’t delete them without deleting the whole account. So when I want to call someone, I have several entries for one person and I don’t know which is just the regular cell number.

And on top of THAT, my lappy just decided to download a bunch of new technologies called Windows Live. So I’ve directed ALL of my email accounts to this one inbox which required looking up IMAPS and verification addresses and thingamajigs. now I just need to learn how to synch that inbox to my phone, and life will be so much simpler. Maybe. And finally, under Windows Live came Windows Live Writer, where I can synch my mediocre blog to…I’m not sure what. But I have this nifty little publisher window which seems to be exactly the same as entering a blog directly online.

I’m a little overwhelmed.

I like to think I can run circles around the average Joe in Microsoft Office, but overall I’ve been a very modest consumer of electronics. I don’t want to come to feel that I need to be connected all the time, and that I have to check my email every five minutes, and that I must be able to Twitter instantly when Becky wears leggings as pants. Kids these days are too impatient, and too distractable, and though they think they’re good at multitasking, they’re not. By kids, I mean most Americans.

Relatedly, I worry that people are losing the ability to interact with others. You can’t learn social skills from a screen. More importantly, a friend page on Facebook does not a friend make. Yes, technology has allowed many people to stay in touch or catch up with old friends, but perhaps without it we would still find close friends meaningful enough to call. If they’re not, then we can do without them.

One day I will embrace the 21st century, and that’s fine. I was born early enough to develop my worldview apart from technology. I just think at that point life will be a little more complicated than is necessary.